Dashing Through the Mashed Potatoes and the Candied Yams

I saw my first 'holiday' commercial (one for Glade candles, funnily enough) a few days before Halloween. Now the jack-o-lanterns are just starting to rot and the costumes have barely settled into storage bins and we're bombarded with all things HOLIDAY. Every commercial on TV has chestnuts roasting on an open fire or someone decking the halls with boughs of holly. (To be perfectly honest, I don't really consider it Christmas time until I see the Folgers ad with Peter coming home that's been running since leg warmers were fashionable and Cabbage Patch dolls were a new thing). Radio stations are pulling out their Bing Crosby records. Stores are filled to the brim with pre-lit evergreens. And I got my Walmart toy catalog in the mail the other day.

Yup, it's here: the most wonderful time of the year.

I absolutely love Christmas. Actually, I love Halloween through New Years. I love the dressing up and the trick or treating that's followed so quickly by the Macy's parade and the Cowboys game while gnawing on a fried turkey leg and eating (another) slice of pumpkin pie. I love standing in line at Target at 4:30 on the day after Thanksgiving and elbowing my way through the toy section. I enjoy decorating a Christmas tree while I watch my beloved Hogs take on LSU. I adore buying presents for my boys. I get misty eyed when I see a Christmas tree light up a darkened room or when I hear "Silent Night" or the Christmas story. I love looking at lights and oohing, ahhing, and commenting on the tacky houses. I enjoy all the old traditions and look forward to starting new ones with my little family. I love presents and stockings and chocolate covered cherries and the Alabama Christmas album and the fact that I live in the part of the country where we really can only dream of a white Christmas.

But most of all . . . I love the food.

Turkey AND ham. Dressing. Cranberry sauce. Potato casserole and homemade hot rolls and the bean dip that totally doesn't fit the gathering but that my Aunt Sue brings every year anyway. And the desserts. OMG, the desserts! I think I could fill an entire blog entry with just the names of the very best Christmas desserts. I adore baking and making candy and the way my kitchen smells after I've pulled a batch of peanutbutter cookies that look like reindeer out of the oven.

If there's anything that can take the holly jolly out of the holly-days, it's the thought of . . . dun dun dun . . . THE SCALE. I admit it, I'm a scale junkie. I weigh myself every morning (and sometimes midmorning . . . and in the afternoon . . . and early evening . . . and, uh, right before bed) to keep ME in check. You know the commercial with the chick who has the scale tethered to her ankle? Yup, tha's your girl, Miss B!

I've been getting into the boards over on Sparkpeople more and more in recent weeks. A thread about surviving the holidays has been active over there for a few weeks now. Can I just say I'm kind of shocked at the number of people who don't plan to enjoy the holidays? I mean, it's one thing to control yourself from going buck wild but it's quite another to just not enjoy all the things that you love. This time of year only comes around . . . duh . . . once a year. You HAVE to enjoy. Maybe it's even okay to overindulge a bit, ya know? The more you deny yourself, the more likely you are to find yourself with your arm up a turkey's ass in the middle of March because you have a craving that can only be stopped by a 15-lb bird with all the trimmings.

All that said, it's time to set some goals for ME for this holiday season. I'll probably spend Turkey Day at an aiport bar in Denver drowning my sorrow over the fact that I'm not celebrating the holiday with kiddos with Vodka-and-Cranberry (that's a substitute for cranberry sauce, right?). And I'm lucky enough to be the one cooking Christmas dinner this year (but sad at the same time as it'll be only the second time in my entire life that I haven't been in Arkansas for the big day). So some things shouldn't be too hard, but . . . hell, who am I kidding?

My goals this holiday season:

1) Keep weight between 145 - 149
2) Do the aerobic workout on my bike at least 3 times a week
3) Pilates tape at least twice a week
4) I can eat ONE of every baked item I make. Send anything the fam doesn't eat to one of the shelters around here (will shelters take home baked items?) Or, possibly, send them to a soldier overseas.
5) ONE chocolate covered cherry a day. ONE. Brandi! I said ONE! No more!
6) Hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps will only be consumed once a week. And only if the temperature drops below 45.
7) Relax and enjoy myself. Any over-eating can be remedied by a marathon work out session and lots of water.
8) No matter how hard he begs, I will NOT buy Jaybird a sweater with Brobie or the Giant Dildo from Yo Gabba Gabba on it.
9) Reeses, Snickers, and Milky Ways shaped like Christmas trees are, in fact, still Reeses, Snickers, and Milky Ways. I will abstain.

Last Christmas . . .

** In case you're interested: the title of this entry comes from a church Christmas play that I was in a good, um, 20 years ago (sweet baby Jesus!). I played a mouse and all I remember about it is a song that went, "Dashing through the mashed potatoes and the candied yams . . . don't forget the rolls and gravy . . . there's enough to feed the navy! Christmas time is no time, no time to diet . . . it's no time for watching your weight . . . " I am such a fucking nerd for remembering that.