Food for Thought.

I love food.

I adore it. Admire it and appreciate it. Even lust after it, ocassionally worship certain forms of it.
I've actually laid in my bed at night and dreamed of a big, juicy bacon cheeseburger slathered in mayonnaise. "Sonic cheddar peppers" would be on my list of five things I would take with me to a deserted island. If I had to choose between no food for a year or no sex for a year . . . I'd probably have a very unhappy husband. (And I LOVE sex!)

Trying to list all my favorite foods would take hours. There is no way to come up with one certain favorite because there are so many different varieties. There's the good old downhome cooking - like a chicken fried steak with a mound of buttery mashed potatoes served with a Lone Star beer on the side. There's Mexican food - enchiladas with strings of ooey, gooey cheese. Itallian food - lasagna and tortellini and baked pasta, oh my! There is the stuff my Mama makes, from her taco lasagna to the sweet and sour chicken that I'd offer up a boob to be able to make. And we cannot forget restaurant food - from the oh-so-yummy empenadas and Mango Margarita at On the Border to the coconut shrimp and Pina Colada at Pappadeaux. It is absolutely impossible to pick a favorite food.

But, here lately I've come to a realization: it's only food.

I was watching an old rerun of Roseanne one day last week (don't hate - I love that show!). Roseanne and Jackie had one of their fights and Jackie accused Rosie of using food as a replacement for something else in her life, to make her feel better. Roseanne blew her off until later in the episode her mother brought her out a bowl of icecream with crushed Oreos on top . . . to make her feel better.

That very same day, I was talking to my own mother on the phone. She was telling me how bad things have gotten with her step-grandson who lives with her. Then she said this: "This morning I left early and went to Sonic for breakfast. I deserved it." All the sudden, that episode from Roseanne came back to me and I had an epiphany of sorts.

I deserved it.

How many times had I heard those words in my life? I deserve it, you deserve it, we deserve it, we need it, after all we've been through . . .

And always about food.

For the past 28 years, I've used food to make me feel better. I've used food as a reward - even when dieting.

Rough day at school? Have an extra double stuffed oreo. Or two. Or five.
Doing good on the diet? Well, then I deserve to reward myself with a binge night at a buffet.
Going through a breakup? Pull out a pint - no, make that a gallon - of Ben and Jerry's and let's get to snacking.

Food has always been more important to me than what it should have been, what it should be.
And, you know what? While a piece of pizza loaded with my favorite toppings might make me feel good right then what happens two minutes after the slice is gone? I'm miserable. I'm beating myself up. And I never can stop at one slice or "just this once." All that food that I love so much ends up on my hips and thighs and around my belly. And that happy feeling I get when devouring a chimichanga is long gone when I have to lay down on the bed to button my jeans.
I would do anything to be one of those girls who can eat any and everything in sight and never gain a pound, never have to worry about how it's affecting my health. But I'm not. I will always have to watch my weight. I will always have to watch what I eat. And I know the only way to TRULY be successful in doing that is to let go of this hold I've allowed food to have over me.

I can forgo the Miracle Whip and switch to mustard if it means being able to fit into my skinny jeans.
I can say buh-bye to the bacon cheeseburger if it means being around for my boys.
I can bid adieu to the chocolately, yummy deliciousness that is a frozen Milky Way (one of my favorite treats!) if it means I have the energy to teach my boys how to shoot hoops.

As much as I love food, adore it . . . I could never adore it as much as I do these two little faces:
I don't have to give everything up, but I do have to make smarter choices. "Live as if you'll die today" does not have to apply to food. Being healthy, being in love with my body, being able to get down on the floor and play with my boys . . . that means more to me than any plate of pasta ever will.

Friday's Menu:

Breakfast:
2 slices turkey bacon
1/4 cup Egg Beaters
1 piece wheat toast
1 apple
Total Points: 5

Lunch:
Chicken and Stuffing
Green beans
Total Points: 5

Snack:
Icecream
Total Points: 2

Dinner:
HC Frozen Pizza
Fruit
Total Points: 8

Snack:
WW Cookie
Total Points: 1

Total Daily Points: 21